Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
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