You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
