Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
