Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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