careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
