I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
