Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize