Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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