I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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