I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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