there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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