Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
