im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
