Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
