he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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