I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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