we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
