i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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