Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
