I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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