I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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