I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
