I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
