so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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