Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
