Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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