So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
