my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
