if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
