I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
