I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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