god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
why didn't you poke me back
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
