In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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