ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
