the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
