I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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