Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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