i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
