So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
