Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
