suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
