This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
