i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
