I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
