Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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