This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sext me about skeletons
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
