Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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