I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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