We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
