TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
