i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
