dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
