just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
honey bunches of taint.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
