I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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