I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
