Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
