The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize