Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
