Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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