Porn is love you can see.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
